


what will be, will be

by myeondle



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myeondle/pseuds/myeondle
Summary: the all too familiar struggle of having a major crush on your friendorcho miyeon navigating through her many feelings
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Seo Soojin, Cho Miyeon/Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua, Cho Miyeon/Yeh Shuhua, Jeon Soyeon/Song Yuqi, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	what will be, will be

**Author's Note:**

> happy 2021 everyone but most importantly happy comeback!

Miyeon laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling with the darkness engulfing around her. Thoughts of a certain someone flooded her mind. Someone who was just a room away in their dorm.

There was a lot to think about. Her long dark hair, her captivating eyes. Shy, sweet and caring personality.

_Why was she thinking about Soojin?_

She spent the majority of her time pining over Shuhua, who did nothing but reject her time after time. Maybe this was Miyeon finally moving on? Moving onto someone who might be just as dangerous.

Everyone knew how Shuhua felt about Soojin. It was the world’s most obvious fact. Was it worth it to compete for Soojin’s attention? Miyeon had no clue, hence her sleepless night.

_Was she stuck in some sort of love triangle?_

No one could ever tell what was going through Soojin’s mind, but by the way she rejects Shuhua, maybe their feelings weren’t mutual.

This was all forming a headache in Miyeon’s mind. She wish she didn’t have these feelings, life was a lot more confusing with them. All she figured was that she felt something towards Soojin.

Was it because they had been spending a lot more time together? Going on hikes, just the two of them, all that time spent alone...

If she really thought about it, it all started during their trip to Vietnam. They got closer and closer, became dorm mates with Shuhua and it all spiraled from there. Miyeon huffed before pulling out her phone, opening a message to Minnie.

~

“You do know that it’s two in the morning.” Minnie greeted her at the door in her pajamas, all ready for bed. Miyeon couldn’t even be bothered to reply, slipping inside past the Thai girl. “What’s up? Don’t tell me it’s about Shuhua again.”

Miyeon groaned, dramatically falling back onto the living room couch. “It really isn’t this time.”

“Then what’s up?”

She gave Minnie a cautious look, knowing that she’d have an explosive reaction. “It’s Soojin.” Miyeon cringed, _get ready for it 1... 2..._

“CHO MIYEON ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?”

A door slammed in the distance, must be Soyeon calling it a night. The girl in question turned back to Minnie, shushing her. This was embarrassing enough as it is, she didn’t need to have her business aired out to the other unsuspecting members.

_(Jokes on Miyeon, everyone was well aware of her business)_

“When did you jump ship?!” Minnie whispered, but it still sounded like a shout coming from her. Miyeon brought her hands up to her face and sighed.

“I don’t even know what you mean by that.”

“Why are you even thinking about Soojin like that?” By the way her arms were crossed, Miyeon could tell that Minnie was jealous. She rolled her eyes at the pout on her face.

“Beats me!”

“Liar!”

_Well._

“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go to sleep.”

Minnie turned away, obviously displeased at her best friend’s late night confession. “Take the couch then.”

Now it was Miyeon’s turn to pout. “But you always let me sleep in your bed with you!” Minnie started to walk away with her fingers plugging her ears. She threw a couch pillow after her.

“Fine! I’ll sleep better on the couch anyway!”

_Miyeon was so wrong._

~

The vocalist snuck back into her dorm in the early hours of the morning, hoping and praying that the others weren’t awake just yet. She just wanted to rest a bit in her own bed to get rid of the awful sore in her neck. The universe was not in her favor.

Upon entering, there was loud clattering sounds coming from the kitchen. It could only be one person.

“Miyeon? Where were you?”

_Soojin._

“Oh, I just went out on a walk! Had an early start to the day.”

The taller girl quirked an eyebrow, mixing eggs in a bowl to cook up some omelets. “Is that so? You should’ve waited for me then, I was going to go after breakfast.”

Panic. _Panic._

“I-I can go again!” Miyeon could slap herself right now, why was she being so weird? Soojin picked up on her strange behavior, curiously raising an eyebrow at her.

“You okay?”

Miyeon simply nodded, hoping and praying that the other girl would just drop it. She was way too frazzled this morning to act right in front of her maybe crush. Is this how Shuhua always felt?

_Shuhua._

“I’m awake!” The youngest’s loud voice rang out, announcing her entry into the kitchen from her room. She was wearing her favorite green shirt. Soojin crinkled her nose in obvious disgust.

“You better do your laundry soon. You stink.”

Miyeon’s attempt to slink away into her room was thwarted when Shuhua turned to address her. “Do I really stink?” But before she could reply, Soojin spoke up again.

“Want to eat with us before heading back out?”

“You were out?” _Of course Shuhua didn’t notice. She never does._ “Wait, are you guys going on a walk again? I’ll come this time.”

Miyeon could feel her energy depleting from this early morning interaction with the two people she wanted to stay away from the most right now. “You know what? How about the two of you just go, I’m going to head back to bed.”

She shut the door behind her, squeezing her eyes shut as she slid down onto the floor. “Was it something I said?” Miyeon heard Shuhua faintly ask. She crawled towards her bed after hearing Soojin’s quiet “don’t worry, she’s just tired”.

_Tired is an understatement._

~

Yuqi eyed the duo through the mirror, scrunching up her face with a look of annoyance. “Those two. Tsk.” She turned in her make up chair. Miyeon felt eyes on her as she scrolled through her phone.

“May I help you?”

The younger girl ignored her question. “How do you deal with them in the dorms? They make me cringe.” Miyeon glanced behind her, noticing Shuhua fawning over Soojin for the nth time in front of the cameras.

Something stirred in her stomach, she wishes it was just hunger... “They’re not that bad.” It’s true, they were less annoying back home. An unreadable expression flashed on Yuqi’s face before settling into a curious gaze, but she said nothing more.

Miyeon locked eyes with Minnie across the room. There was a time where they liked each other, _crushed_ on each other, but the feelings weren’t deep enough for her. They were best as friends anyway. Oh how she thinks it would’ve been easier to be with her instead.

The Thai girl glared at her, almost as if she was sending her a telepathic message, _“you better tell me what’s going on”._ Yikes, that’s right, she hadn’t told Minnie anything yet.

To be entirely honest, there was too much energy surrounding the girls. Sometimes it goes ignored, sometimes it doesn’t. In Miyeon’s case, she usually bottles her _true_ feelings.

They really couldn’t do much, let alone act on their feelings. What would happen if there was a falling out? The consequences! It would ruin quite literally everything they have worked on. But that’s not to say they don’t make things obvious.

Miyeon’s browsed the online communities. Some of the fan theories are freakishly accurate. Maybe they needed to tone it down, but Shuhua just can’t resist Soojin. It makes Miyeon feel a plethora of feelings.

~

Soojin quietly shut the front door, the image of Shuhua’s passed out body in the living room disappearing. “Do you think she’ll be awake in time for practice?” It was four in the morning, still slightly dark out, but bright enough for Miyeon and Soojin to go on an early morning walk around the park.

“Doubt it. Your turn to wake her up this time!” Soojin giggled as she fled from Miyeon’s threatening hand. Shuhua spent the better half of the night on Vlive, not even reaching her room before she knocked out on the couch.

Miyeon tuned in for the first half hour, right up until Soojin decided to leave because of an upset stomach. She scoured the live comments, knowing exactly what she would find the moment the younger two showed up on screen.

They passed neighboring apartment complexes, closed shops and cafes, finally reaching the empty park. It was usually bustling with life here since they live in the heart of the city. “Do you ever see the comments? About Shuhua?”

Soojin looked at her. “What comments?” Miyeon ignored the question, pausing to collect her next words carefully.

They’ve had many conversations about Shuhua. About how Soojin feels especially frustrated when the youngest girl doesn’t let up on the fanservice, or when they’re around complete strangers in public. The short haired girl always worried over hurting Shuhua’s feelings.

Sometimes Miyeon would speak up for Soojin, but she can’t do that every single time. And it seemed to happen _a lot_ with the youngest girl. “Don’t you think it’s time we talked to her about toning things down? With you, I mean.”

This was totally coming from a place of worry. Just worry. _Definitely_ not something else.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn’t even realize Soojin had stopped walking. The moment she did, Miyeon whipped her body around, confused and avoiding full eye contact with the taller girl.

Her eyes were narrowed, fixated on Miyeon with an unreadable expression. “I don’t think that will be necessary.” What an odd answer, but she nodded anyway. She didn’t want to look too weird _(obvious)_ in front of Soojin. “Besides, I’m starting to finally reciprocate.”

She strutted past Miyeon, a proud smile etched on her facial features.

_What the hell did that mean?_

~

“Pathetic. Just pathetic.”

“You know, I’m practically immune to all the insults you hurl at me.”

Minnie raised her hand in front of her face, scoffing dramatically. “You mean to tell me, after all this time you spent going after Shuhua, you’re finally giving up? To crush on the same exact girl?”

“Well, when you put it like that—“

“It’s twisted.”

“I don’t think it’s that exactly—“

“ _You’re_ twisted.”

Miyeon snapped, pounding her fist on the desk. They were lounging in the Thai girl’s studio after a rough morning of practice. The others headed home while the two opted to stick around and practice some vocal runs together.

“Minnie, I know!” She let out a frustrated huff. What was she going to do with herself now? Her feelings couldn’t get any more confusing from here on out at least.

The Thai girl fell back onto the couch. “Do you really think Soojin might like her back now?”

“It’s what I gathered from her words.”

Minnie slumped defeatedly, but after a moment, she excitedly sat up and clapped loudly, catching Miyeon’s attention. “I have just the right thing to distract you from all this.” She didn’t like the mischievous smile forming on her friend’s face, but Miyeon was willing to do anything to take her mind off her roommates.

~

There are a few delicate things about her past that her members know not to bring up. So far she’s managed to avoid confronting those old memories, but she knew there would come a day where she couldn’t run anymore.

“You are out of your damn mind!”

Minnie had brought her out to a noodle shop hidden inside the massive local market near their company building. She wouldn’t say who they were meeting up with, but now it made total sense why she kept quiet.

“What’s the problem?! You guys used to be friends once upon a time.”

Miyeon grimaced. Minnie didn’t know the half of it. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to randomly bombard them with my presence.”

“Shut up and get inside.” She felt herself being pushed into the establishment before she could make a run for it. Minnie was setting her up at this point. Couldn’t she tell that this was a bad idea?!

The restaurant was small, it could only fit three tables, one of which was occupied by two well disguised but _very_ familiar girls. Miyeon would recognize them anywhere.

“Lisa!”

Miyeon braced herself as the girls turned towards the entrance. The shock on their faces was evident, but Minnie dragged her over to their table anyway, exchanging quick whispers with Lisa in their native tongue. She offered her a tentative smile.

_Lisa has always been the sweetest._

“Long time no see.”

The tension was palpable, that much was clear to anyone within a mile radius of the shop, but Minnie continued as if there wasn’t a ginormous elephant in the room.

“Oh, I bet! When’s the last time you three talked? Must have been ages ago.” If Miyeon’s limbs weren’t frozen, maybe she would have slapped a hand over Minnie’s mouth to stop her from spewing nonsense.

“It has been.” Miyeon finally locked eyes with the other girl sitting right across from her. The coldness in her voice sent chills down her spine.

_Park Chaeyoung._

Minnie clapped her hands excitedly, successfully diverting the attention back to her. “We’re all 97 liners! How cool is that?” Lisa nodded along supportively, but Miyeon could tell that her former friend was tense.

Quietly watching her group mate animatedly speaking to the girls in front of them, Miyeon couldn’t stop old memories from flooding back into her mind.

_The nervous trainee felt a soft hand slip into her shaky one. Instant comfort. Miyeon turned to face her best friend, the one and only Park Chaeyoung. The one who’s stuck by her side ever since she arrived from overseas. They were glued together._

_She wasn’t sure when it hit her, the overwhelming feeling of warmness whenever she was in her presence. Chaeyoung’s reassuring smile and positive personality, her silliness that made Miyeon laugh endlessly._

_It scared her._

_But Miyeon had other things, more important things, to be worrying about._

_“We’re going to debut together, I’m sure of it.” Chaeyoung squeezed her hand, calming her nerves entirely. Miyeon believed her._

“Excuse me.” This was too much, she was going to destroy Minnie for this! She bolted towards the bathroom, disregarding her purse that fell onto the floor in her hurried state.

She locked herself in one of the rusty stalls, grimacing at the strange smell instantly surrounding her. This whole night turned out to further her heart’s confusion. And on top of that, excruciating feelings were dredged up even though she’s had years worth of practice burying.

The sound of the bathroom door swinging open made her flinch, stilling her entire body. And then there was silence.

Miyeon discreetly peered under the stall. Converse shoes. Minnie wore flip flops today. She shut her eyes tight, waiting with bated breath, something she’s unconsciously been doing since the last time they’ve spoken.

A soft voice, jarringly different from earlier. “Are you alright?”

_Was she?_

She cleared her throat. “I’m fine.” Jiggling the defective lock, she made her way out of the stall, nearly running into Chaeyoung. “Sorry.” The bathroom seemed ten times smaller with a second person inside. Or maybe the walls were just closing in on her.

Miyeon took a step towards the door, then felt a hand wrap around her wrist. Soft, like it always has been. She clenched her jaw. Now wasn’t the time to lose her composure.

“There’s so much I’ve been wanting to say.” A pause. “To you.” She let herself be tugged closer, but avoided Chaeyoung’s deep gaze in favor of the bathroom floor tile.

She remained completely quiet, honestly curious about what her old friend might say after all these years avoiding each other at award shows and other events that required their groups to be there.

“After you left, I was a mess.” Deep breath. “I even considered leaving because I didn’t want to debut without you.”

“Are you crazy?!”

Chaeyoung’s laugh echoed in the dingy bathroom. _Why were they still in here?_ “I was.” Another pause. “For you.”

Miyeon finally locked eyes with her, softening at the sight of her former best friend. “I felt it too, you know.”

“I did know.”

It was a bittersweet feeling, getting this type of closure unexpectedly. Maybe she could thank Minnie for that. _Just_ that though.

~

“I can’t believe she did that.” Rarely did Soojin express genuine shock, but this called for it. “Is she out of her mind?!”

“That’s what I said!”

They were laying in Soojin’s bed, Shuhua fast asleep in between them. The youngest had a long day training Haku for the upcoming dog agility competition.

Miyeon waved a hand in the air. “It’s alright though, it ended up being a fun time.”

“Wow.” Back to her usual monotone voice. “Who would’ve thought.” She shifted her body, glancing down at Shuhua before peeking at Soojin.

These moments were fleeting, uninterrupted time between Miyeon and Soojin. It was hard to interact with Shuhua on their heels twenty-four seven, but they both found it endearing nevertheless.

“I’m glad things turned out like this.” Soojin turned to face her. “I wouldn’t have met you.” The younger girl’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“I mean— you _guys_.” Miyeon hopes Soojin doesn’t think much about her slip up.

“I’m glad too.” Simple, just the way she liked about the short haired girl. Comfort. She wondered if her heartbeat was noisy at all.

One last look at Shuhua, her heart skipped a beat. Miyeon internally groaned. What was she going to do?!

~

There was a time before all this, a much simpler time, where feelings didn’t intrude on her day to day life. When being at home didn’t suffocate her senses.

“You’ve been spending a suspicious amount of time here lately.” Miyeon hadn’t even noticed Soyeon creeping out of her room. The younger girl was always locked away, working on music or making beats for their future comebacks. “Here and at the company.”

The leader’s question was hidden in between the lines. “Everything is fine at home.”

Soyeon scoffed, a sarcastic smile appearing on her face. “You got to give me more credit than that.” She leaned back on the arm of the couch, getting comfortable. “Tell me, what’s been going on?”

Miyeon caved, but still waved her hand dismissively. “You know, the usual.” Her voice was soft, sort of afraid of what the younger girl would say to her on this topic. It had been a while since she’s talked to the leader about it all.

“Figured.” Miyeon scowled. “Anything particular happen?” She thought back to her walk with Soojin and her encounter with Chaeyoung. Soyeon waited patiently for her answer.

So she spilled, about everything. Because she trusted the leader to offer her some solid advice on how to tackle such a thing as juggling feelings for multiple people at the same time. But even Soyeon was having a hard time.

“Don’t you think it’s time you give up on Shuhua?”

Miyeon stared back blankly. “I didn’t even say anything about her?”

“But isn’t she always involved?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Frustration was starting to bubble up inside her. What was Soyeon trying to get at exactly? All she mentioned was her budding feelings for Soojin, lingering feelings for a former friend, some old tension with Minnie. Where did she ever mention Shuhua?

The younger girl offered a sympathetic smile, one Miyeon read as “you know exactly what I mean, but I won’t push”.

“I would say it’s always best to think thoroughly when it comes to matters of the heart, but in your case, there seems to be _too much_ thinking.” She awkwardly gave her a pat on the shoulder as she stood up from the couch, no doubt heading back towards her room. “Everything will work out the way that it needs to.”

Miyeon mulled over the leader’s final quote. It sounded very ominous.

~

Soyeon’s words echoed in her head throughout the week. It particularly stuck with her. Funny, she advised Miyeon not to think so much about it all. But she couldn’t really help it, since the scene unfolding in front of her brought back a flurry of emotions.

It was supposed to be just like any other Vlive with her dorm mates, but watching _Soojin_ cozy up to Shuhua, it drove her nuts. Miyeon tried her best to pinpoint what exactly bothered her. Was she jealous of Soojin? Or was she jealous of Shuhua?

Her eyes lingered on the youngest. The answer had always been right in front of her.

“I’m leaving!” She had to make her escape, the room was getting suffocating. “Call me when you guys head home, yeah?” Miyeon threw on her coat and returned Soojin’s confused expression with a reassuring one.

_Everything will work out the way it needs to._

She didn’t want to make it obvious, only picking up her pace the second she left the practice room. Those two wouldn’t think twice anyway, would they?

It was hopeless, getting in between them.

Miyeon sighed, her breath visible from the cold air surrounding her. She looked around before whipping out her phone, dialing Minnie. “Hey, I’m coming to your dorm.” End call. Didn’t even give her friend a chance to reply.

~

The second the front door swung open, Miyeon was rushing inside. Most of her tears were gone by the time she made it over, but she didn’t feel like it was ending just yet. She wailed uncharacteristically, causing Minnie to look alarmed.

“What happened?!”

She made a beeline for the cabinets next to the television set. She had been over enough to know where her members hid the hard liquor. Tonight, Miyeon just needed to let go.

“Mind telling me what happened first before you raid our alcohol?!”

Miyeon popped open the cap of a flavored vodka bottle, it was miniature in size. Can she down this in one go? She was going to try. She sent Minnie one last look before throwing her head back.

“Whoa, okay. Take it easy now.” She dragged Miyeon to her room, pushing her onto the bed lightly. “Tell me, what’s going on.”

The oldest sighed. “Do I even need to at this point? Isn’t it written all over my face?!” Minnie pursed her lips, pretending to think. It only frustrated Miyeon even more. “I’m so tired.”

She crossed her arms, staring hard at her hopeless friend. “You and me both, pal.” Minnie joined her on the bed, both of them flopping backwards. “You just need a way to shut off your heart.”

“How can I possibly do that?”

Minnie fixed her with a pointed look, suspicious. Miyeon patted around the bed and grabbed a pillow, smacking her friend playfully. Ten seconds later and it turned into a pillow brawl.

The two were so occupied they didn’t even notice Soyeon popping her head in the room to see what’s going on. She was gone the second she noticed they were bouncing around the bed.

One final whack and Miyeon dramatically collapsed. “But I’m being so serious right now!” She whined, pouting when Minnie’s laugh only intensified at her words. “Help me!”

“It’s simple, Miyeon. You just have to move on from them both.”

~

Miyeon released a deep huff, tapping away on her phone as the van bumped along on the highway. They were heading home after an event two towns away. She shared the backseat with Shuhua, who was fast asleep on her shoulder.

She figured the younger girl was too exhausted to care. It wouldn’t be the first time the girls found themselves in that very position anyway, considering they’ve always sat next to each other since their debut.

Her phone pinged with a new message and she squinted at her bright screen.

**From: MINNIE**

**?**

Face full of confusion she looked towards the front of the van, just now noticing how Minnie’s body was completely turned around, watching the two. Her phone pinged a second time.

**From: MINNIE**

**How are you feeling?**

Miyeon waved dismissively while Minnie deadpanned. They were not going to bring this up right now. She was already moving too much with Shuhua’s sleeping body on her. The younger girl was bound to be woken if she kept this up.

**TO: MINNIE**

**I’m chillin.**

And with that she slumped against the window, Shuhua naturally moving along with her. If there was a way to engrave this pure and peaceful moment into Miyeon’s memory...

An arm slung around her waist, catching her completely off guard along with Shuhua’s face nuzzling into her neck. She froze, staying absolutely still. A mumble escaped from the younger girl’s mouth and just when Miyeon thought it wasn’t of any importance, she heard her mumble again.

“Mine.”

Miyeon felt her heart beat pulse loudly in her ears, the noise surrounding her fading into the background like those cliché moments in the romance movies she’d watch with Soojin in her room. Her eyes traced Shuhua’s facial features.

She was reminded of the very first time she laid eyes on her. The heart stopping moment, the breath catching instance when she noticed her across the practice room wrapped around Soojin. Even from the beginning, those two were thick as thieves.

There was a lingering insecurity, shuffled away into the cabinets of her mind, that would itch towards the surface from time to time in tiny glimpses. That she would never be important to the two like they were for each other.

So she looked back down at Shuhua, thoughts running a million times faster than the van they were in, and came to a final conclusion.

~

Miyeon found herself in the bathroom that night, standing next to Soojin as they removed their make up. A silence fell over them, something so normal for the two, but for that moment, it felt suffocating.

She twisted around to face the taller girl, watching as she wiped at her eyes, not having noticed Miyeon yet. She was about to go against her own rule.

Her rule of never getting involved.

Before Soojin can register the hand cupping her cheek, she felt soft and hesitant lips on hers.

Miyeon broke the kiss just as quick as she initiated it, but it felt like it lasted an eternity. And as much as she wished, there were no fireworks. Her eyes were shut tight, not quite wanting to believe what she’s just done. If the silence before was suffocating, the current silence was unbearable.

“That was unexpected.”

Her eyes shot open to a smirk on Soojin’s face. There was a specific smugness to it, like she had just unraveled a big web of secrets. If nerves weren’t overtaking her entire body, she would be ticked off.

When it was apparent that the older girl was too paralyzed to speak, she spoke again. “I was sure you just strictly had feelings for Shuhua.” There was no point in hiding the deep blush crawling up her neck, but Miyeon still looked away. “So what was that for?”

Miyeon took a deep breath, bringing herself back down to earth and reminding herself that this was Soojin. Understanding and accepting Seo Soojin who was always there for all of them, especially in their vulnerable and indecisive moments.

She sighed again. “You’re right, though.” A pause. “I only have true feelings for her.” It was still somewhat of a disappointment for her, that Soojin wasn’t the one to successfully get her mind off of Yeh Shuhua. Miyeon really wanted to believe that she was capable of falling for someone else, but she was terribly wrong.

Soojin let out a laugh. “So, that was you _using_ me to prove some point to yourself?” Her voice was lighthearted, but the topic still made Miyeon’s knees wobble. “I’m glad to have helped with your peace of mind.”

Despite everything, Miyeon crossed her arms with a pout. “How long have you known?” The younger girl wiped her hands on the towels nearby and scoffed. The question sounded stupid even to Miyeon.

“It’s a miracle Shuhua herself hasn’t noticed.”

“Because she’s too busy being obsessed with you.” It wasn’t supposed to sound jealous, like at all, but it did. And it only brought amusement to Soojin.

“I can assure you, _that_ will never happen.” There was an ominous tone to her voice, one she was unfamiliar with coming from the younger girl. It felt like a complete 180 from the talk they had in the park all those mornings ago. Did she miss something between the two?

Soojin squeezed her shoulder before exiting the bathroom. How long had they been in there?

~

Three in the morning and Miyeon was up staring at her ceiling. Perhaps she should decorate her room with lights or glow in the dark stickers to liven up the nighttime. But she never really had a fear of the dark.

The sound of her door cracking open made her flinch, the moonlight shining on a shadowy figure. She recognized who it was instantly. “Shuhua, why are you here?” She wordlessly slipped under the sheets, laying next to the older girl. Was it possible that she was sleepwalking?

Miyeon shifted her body to face Shuhua. She could only see the outline of her features in the dark. Now she wished she had lights more than ever.

Her answer came after some time. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Why my room and not Soojin’s—“

“Do you know how important you are to me?” The question halted Miyeon. Where was this coming from? “I mean, do you really?” She could tell Shuhua was avoiding her gaze, but her voice was sincere.

Miyeon gave it some thought. She did know, that she was of some importantance, but she wanted to hear more. “What do you mean by all that?” She waited patiently for the younger girl to collect her words.

“Soojin— she’s my best friend.” Miyeon wondered where Shuhua was going with this. Nevertheless, it was a fact she was _very_ familiar with. “You’re—“ She let out a deep sigh.

Miyeon closed her eyes. Drowsiness was overtaking her, but she wanted to know how Shuhua felt. “I’m..?” Her tone somewhat teasing since she felt the atmosphere turning heavy. She didn’t want that.

An arm snaked around Miyeon’s waist, Shuhua’s breath hitting her neck from her whisper. “You’re just important to me.” Her words were clear and emphasized, but it just sounded so far away for Miyeon even with the girl incredibly close to her.

“Is that so?”

There was a long silence, enough time passed for Miyeon to slip further into her dreamscape until Shuhua’s nexts words snapped her awake.

~

Minnie’s eyes darted back and forth between her members. It seemed like nowadays all they did was prepare for year end stages and wait around backstage. Performing their summer song during the winter was just hilarious to them.

She felt like the vibes were off, not in a negative way per se, but something had definitely shifted between a certain duo.

She felt a tug on her arm, then a phone being shoved in her face. “Minnie! Let’s go take pictures out in the hall.” It was their team’s youngest. After nodding, she followed Shuhua out.

What with her personal schedule being packed, it had been a while since Minnie had one on one time with her members. Miyeon sucked at keeping her up to date, but she wasn’t entirely at fault. Her fellow friend was also swamped with schedules.

“Why are you so quiet today?” Shuhua posed with a peace sign, trying not to move her mouth so much before Minnie snapped a picture. “Something on your mind?”

Minnie decided to just get right to the point. “What’s going on with you and Soojin?” She couldn’t tell if the younger girl stiffened at her question or if she was just doing another pose. “Seems like you two don’t hang out much these days.” Come to think of it, she’s seen Soojin with Miyeon a lot more recently.

An unreadable expression flashed across Shuhua’s face before an awkward smile appeared on her lips. “Because, I’m busy with _you_ these days!” That was true, the two have gotten closer these past few months. But a huge piece of a puzzle was still missing. Maybe she had better luck confronting Miyeon about it.

She playfully clicked her tongue. “Cornball.”

~

Miyeon arrived at Minnie’s dorm unannounced, with the latter not even at home. She heard noises coming from Soyeon’s room. Giggling? That was beyond bizarre. Taking a peak through the door that wasn’t entirely shut, a gasp got caught in her throat. She was loud enough to catch the attention of the two people inside.

Her hands flew to her eyes. “No! What did I just witness?!” It was none other than Soyeon and Yuqi, sharing pizza _intimately_ on the bed. Nothing too scandalous, but it freaked Miyeon out regardless. She heard Yuqi roar before the door slammed shut right in front of her.

She stood in the hallway shell shocked for a second before coming to her senses. So much for the team not giving into their desires. Which comes to her main point in visiting Minnie. Their much needed weekly talks were overdue.

Having already wiped the prior incident from her memory, for Soyeon’s sake, she shuffled into Minnie’s empty room, plopping onto her bed. Miyeon wondered when she would arrive home, if she was going to be late or not, but she planned on spending the night anyway. She needed a break from her dorm.

Getting cozy under the covers, Miyeon made herself at home and dozed away for a few hours while waiting for Minnie.

She woke up to a harsh shake of her shoulders, a bright smile invading her line of sight. The clock flashed midnight. “What a pleasant surprise! What are you doing here?”

“Sleepover.” Miyeon mumbled out, still half asleep. She scooted over so the Thai girl can join. There was distant laughter coming from the other room. The memory of what she walked in on earlier came flooding back. “How long has that been going on?”

“For a few months now, actually.”

Miyeon choked, successfully snapping herself out of her half slumber. “And they didn’t say anything?!” Minnie shrugged and scrolled through her phone.

“They told me it started up when I was shooting for my sitcom series, since I wasn’t home a lot.” Miyeon was at a loss for words, but the pairing wasn’t a complete shock to her.

At least Soyeon and Yuqi are living in their own unbothered world. Miyeon’s heart felt tumultuous every single day.

She sighed. “I kissed Soojin.” There was a silent pause.

“I know.” Miyeon whipped her head around. Minnie clicked her phone off and stared at her friend. “Shuhua saw you guys and she told me.” It took a while for the younger girl to fess up that something _had_ happened. But she honestly wasn’t expecting an answer at all.

It suddenly made sense to Miyeon, the conversation she had that night when Shuhua snuck into her room.

She didn’t even know what to think about all that. Did she feel bad that Shuhua had to see that specific moment happen? _Yes._

Minnie continued talking when she realized Miyeon was too dumbstruck to reply. “What were you thinking?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, just majorly curious. After the shock of Soyeon and Yuqi being together wore off, she realized that it wouldn’t help anyone to worry over something that wasn’t much her business.

Unless things were to end up ugly. Then Minnie would have to get involved for the sake of their group. But she trusted her members.

“I guess I just wanted to confirm how I felt.”

Minnie hummed, mulling over Miyeon’s words. It was obvious what the other girl meant by that. “Have you told Shuhua yet?”

Miyeon snuggled into one of Minnie’s plushie dolls. “I don’t think I will.”

“Why the hell not?!” Minnie just wanted to sleep. The other girl was being a pain. A silly little lovesick puppy. She needed to slap some sense into her friend _quick_. “Now is not the time to give up.”

She watched as Miyeon picked at the loose fluff on her sheep plushie. There was a shift of emotion in her eyes, something Minnie couldn’t quite place. Her next words came out in a broken whisper. “I just don’t think I’ll ever amount to Soojin.”

It was the first time she voiced this insecurity out loud, making it feel all too real. She twisted her body to stare up at the ceiling, shifting into a poker face to keep her oncoming tears at bay. Miyeon felt a hand squeeze her arm.

What Minnie neglected to mention was the breakdown she witnessed after Shuhua had brought up the kiss. Her member’s flurry of words and the worry and confusion etched on her facial features. Calming her down took the better part of her rare day off.

“I think it’s unfair to compare when it’s obvious that we all have different types of connections with each other.” She let her words sink in before carrying on. “What we have with each other, they’re all special in their own ways.”

A long bout of silence passed but Minnie could tell that Miyeon had heard her loud and clear.

“I’m scared, Minnie. What if something bad happens?”

She discreetly hid her yawn, not wanting to show that she was tired or that she was a second away from knocking out. “You’re free to do whatever you want to do.” She wanted to subside her best friend’s worries as best as possible, without seeming flippant.

Miyeon shuffled around, facing Minnie before closing her eyes. “You’re right, but why does that sound like the hardest thing to do?”

~

“You know I’m not the one for you, right?”

Soojin lazily tilted her head to the right, peaking at the figure sitting beside her. It was a quiet night out, the two sitting on the roof. She heard a deep sigh.

“I know.”

There was a strong gust of wind, but they were buried under blankets and thick coats. Who’s crazy idea was it to hang out on the roof in the middle of winter? That’s right, Shuhua’s. The younger girl convinced her to come watch the New Year’s fireworks with her.

“I know you saw us the other night.”

Shuhua shivered. This topic was already activating her flight response. She sat up and looked into the distance. The city night life was thriving and any time soon, fireworks would be shooting up and illuminating the dark sky.

“What are you going to do about your feelings for her?”

It didn’t take a genius to notice Soojin’s wandering eyes whenever Miyeon was around. The constant pang of jealousy Shuhua would feel and have to ignore whenever the two interacted. It left an utterly dreadful feeling of confusion in the pit of her stomach. She knew it was time to finally admit to herself that the girl she’d spent the last few years crushing on, had eyes for someone else.

“What makes you think I have feelings for her?” Soojin’s voice was calm and leveled, like always, but Shuhua caught on to the split second moment of weakness when the older girl’s voice wavered. “Are you making up crazy stories in your head again?”

Shuhua shook her head, but not particularly because of her question. It was obvious that Soojin had her guards up. “Not being honest doesn’t look good on you.”

Soojin sat up, sending the younger girl a pointed glare, which Shuhua ignored. She was perhaps the only person who could get away with talking to Soojin like this. Brutal honesty.

“My feelings are _my_ feelings.” The harsh expression on her face softened once they locked eyes. Shuhua really could see straight through her. “Regardless of how I feel, I’m still not the one for you.”

 _“And she’s not the one for me.”_ Shuhua could almost hear the older girl say. The lines in between were obvious, the implications of what her best friend was trying to tell her without saying it straight up.

She laid back down, eyeing the sky curiously. The universe must be having fun watching her experience all this inner turmoil.

Shuhua didn’t know what to expect of life now. It was too late to take back the years she spent crushing on Soojin, but the timing was now. The time to move on and be free.

But the universe is cruel and never easy, one’s happiness takes away the other’s happiness. Being aware of Soojin’s feelings for Miyeon, that made it ten times harder to accept Miyeon’s painstakingly obvious crush on her.

If the older girl was to confess, Shuhua would be torn apart. How could she possibly reject Miyeon, but how could she move on with her, knowing how Soojin feels?

A hand waved in front of her, snapping her out of her thoughts. “Don’t be thinking too hard, alright? You only live this life once, Shuhua. Have no regrets.”

And leave it to Soojin to still be considerate and selfless. It’s what Shuhua always admired most about her, from the very beginning. Her words settled her worries. For now.

~

Miyeon yawned and stretched out her arms, recoiling when she felt a body next to her. “Holy crap, you scared me!” It was Shuhua, half asleep with her body hanging off the side of the bed. “Did you fall asleep while trying to wake me up?” This was definitely not the first time.

The younger girl mumbled, barely moving an inch. Miyeon didn’t even hear her roommates returning to the dorm, she must’ve knocked out earlier than usual. Today was the start of a new year. A fresh beginning.

She took this moment to engulf Shuhua in a big hug, swinging her body back onto the bed. “Happy New Year, Shushu!” The nickname made the girl groan, but at least she wasn’t resisting the hug.

The door to her room swung open, Miyeon seemed to be popular this morning. “Shuhua, I told you to wake her up—“ Soojin stopped in her tracks, exchanging a glance with the older girl. A beat passed before she whipped out her phone, snapping a quick picture of the rare endearing moment with a soft smile on her face. “Soyeon invited us over for New Year’s brunch.”

Miyeon nodded, trying to make a move to get off the bed but was stopped. Soojin slipped out of the room just as quick as she appeared. “Remember what I told you?” Shuhua sounded muffled with her face shoved against one of Miyeon’s pillows. She figures the younger girl was referring to that one night. A deep blush crawled up her neck.

“Remind me?” Shuhua made a strange noise in refusal, but Miyeon could see straight through her act. “You complain, but why did you bring it up first then?” She teased, moving her hands to tickle her sides.

Shuhua jumped in surprise and toppled off the bed, squealing helplessly while Miyeon continued to tickle ruthlessly. “Are you going to say it?”

“I love you, okay!”

It was like music to her ears, something she felt like she would never get used to hearing.

“I love you too!”

She’s told Shuhua before, that she never says these words lightly. But ever since meeting her, it just flows out so easily, so simply. It didn’t have to mean a certain way, even though she wished she could be courageous enough to confess.

Miyeon freed Shuhua from her hold and watched as she caught her breath. Their faces were both flushed red. “We should probably get ready before Soojin throws a fit.”

~

“To 2021!”

They clinked their champagne glasses and took a modest sip, Minnie taking a particularly hefty one. Miyeon just giggled, her poor friend definitely deserved some rest.

But a new comeback was upon them.

After a whirlwind of a year and quite specifically the end of the year, they still managed to make time for comeback preparations.

“How about we go around and say one thing, anything, about the new year or the past year.” Soyeon suggested. Everyone nodded in agreement.

Yuqi and Minnie cracked some jokes about having Soyeon clean up the house more often, her room especially. Ending it on a sweeter note, a promise to make more music together in the upcoming year. Maybe this would be the year Miyeon dabbles in song writing. There’s a lot on her mind that might be of better use on paper.

“Soojin? Got anything to add?”

The girl hummed, swirling the leftover champagne in her glass. Her gaze flitted to Miyeon, who stared back curiously. An unfinished business type of feeling hung in the air between the two, but only Shuhua noticed the exchange.

“I hope we all find happiness.” A soft smile spread on her face, suddenly getting shy at her cheesy words. Leaving her comment short and sincere, everyone cheered once more with their nearly empty glasses.

Shuhua cleared her throat pointedly, drawing all attention towards her. “I’d like to say, for the new year, that we all go for the things that we want.” She stared at her half eaten waffles in front of her, avoiding eye contact from her members. “To live with no regrets, because we apparently only get to live this life once.”

She finally looked up to see Soojin giving her a knowing look, a slight nod to acknowledge the reference. Shuhua smiled back. Will the older girl ever know just how much she appreciates her?

“Then—“ A chair screeched back, all eyes darting towards Miyeon who slowly stood up. Minnie eyed her friend carefully, but held back to see what would happen. Her knees felt wobbly and her voice was sure to waver with her next words, but up until this very point, everything she’d been feeling had been bottled up for way too long.

“This past year, I think I learned a lot about myself. When I look back a few years, it’s like I’m an entirely new person. I have more confidence and I feel comfortable in my skin. I’m relieved to be in a place where I can feel a sense of peace that I always sought out for.”

Everyone had fell silent, allowing Miyeon her moment.

“And it’s all thanks to you guys—” She locked her gaze onto Shuhua. “—that I can feel like this. Accepted and loved. And to be able to love back just as much, maybe even more.”

Miyeon was infinitely grateful for each and every one of her members. They all brought something special to the group and worked in ways they never thought they could.

But deep down, Miyeon hoped that a different message got across to Shuhua.

“Jeez, you didn’t need to get so serious!” Yuqi swiftly dabbed at her eyes, pretending like she didn’t just shed a tear over the older’s girl speech. “I think I can speak for all of us when I say we love you too!”

There was a chorus of yeses and teasing no’s, but Miyeon focused back onto Shuhua amongst all the chaos of her members talking over each other. Her expression was unreadable, but her smile, just the fact that she was smiling was worthwhile.

“One last cheer!”

Everyone raised their now empty glasses. “May the new year bring us all success and happiness!” Shuhua threw a wink her way and a gasp got caught in Miyeon’s throat.

“Cheers!”


End file.
